


If the bunny didn't work...

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Formspring, Gen, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-11
Updated: 2010-08-11
Packaged: 2017-10-15 21:57:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><a href="http://captchalogue.livejournal.com/730.html?thread=55258#t55258">Captchalogue Prompt</a>: From formspring, in reply to a question about what Jack would have done if the bunny didn't work:<br/><a href="http://www.formspring.me/SovereignSlayer/q/671412859">If the bunny just sort of flopped out of the box, only a few things could have happened.<br/>I could grab and use the weapons off of the toy to assail her. This is likely to fail given the speed with which she could slice my head off compared to my ability to draw a large half broken sword or any other weapon for that matter.<br/>I could have just sort of turned around and gone back to work after putting on an outfit, hoping she'd leave from embarrassment. This plan is known as Plan Stupid Stupid Fuck.</a><br/>The idea of Jack actually doing that strikes me as hilarious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If the bunny didn't work...

**Author's Note:**

> ((Sadly this is probably not as hilarious as you hoped. And it turned out a little more shippy than I intended.
> 
> Still...))

It was now or never. With the Queen’s tentacles wrapped around his throat and with her sword making its way there, too, there was no other option. Jack had to use the object in the green box; his would-be savior. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want to kill the BLUH BLUH HUGE BITCH, anyway. Quickly, he reached over to retrieve it, placed his hand in the box and –

It flopped onto the floor liked the stuffed bunny it was. Useless. Harmless.

Shit. Shit. SHITSHITSHITSHIT.

The bunny wasn’t doing anything! It was just sitting there! Jack’s breath hitched as he glanced from the pathetic bunny back up to the Queen, who seemed almost as confused as the archagent about the situation. At the very least she wasn’t cutting his head off. Yet.

Slowly, not releasing her grip around Jack, she picked up the bunny using her spare tentacle. Turning over in her grasp she narrowed her eyes. “What is this?”

“It’s…” Jack began, brain working furiously to find a way out of this situation. He could try to grab those weapons. You know, if he were an idiot and wanted to get beheaded. Okay, so maybe he could just try to go back to his desk and continue doing his job. That could work, but not without an explanation for the cyborg bunny equipped with ridiculously powerful weapons.

“A… gift,” he finished tartly. Seriously? A gift? STUPID STUPID DUMB. FUCK. Of all the things he could have said, he quickly concluded that this was one of the shittiest possible.

“A gift,” the Black Queen repeated dully, staring at the stuffed rabbit. Mirth was visible in her eyes, predatory and disturbing. “For me. From you. Is that right, Jack?”

The archagent gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to stick out his tongue in disgust. Just play along with this damn façade. It’ll be over quicker. “…Yes,” he grunted.

Growing ever more amused, the Queen released her grip around Jack’s neck, gently stroking the side of his face as she did so. His resulting chagrin only amused her further and she couldn’t repress a small throaty chuckle. “How sweet. I didn’t think you cared.” Carefully, she inspected the plush animal. “Does your thoughtful gift have a name?”

Jack wasn’t even looking at her anymore; instead he was drilling holes in the floor with his glare, fists clenched impotently to his sides.

“No?” She shook the doll back and forth in front of his face. “I should name it then.” She paused thoughtfully. “How does Jackrabbit strike you? Hm?”

“Uuuugh,” was the only thing that Jack could manage to spit out.

“Glad you like it,” the Queen purred, “Because I’m going to make sure everyone knows what a softie you are, Jack.”

Jack was shaking with just barely contained rage. He could hardly think, let alone create a coherent response. The Queen didn’t seem to need one, however. “Put a new uniform on,” she ordered. When he made no movement to do so, she snapped her tentacle in the air like a whip. “Now.”

Jerkily, he did so. His movements were tense, as though this was causing him some horrible pain. Robotically, he sat back down at his desk, mindful of his pretty princess dress as he did so. He glowered forward at the broken fenestrated window.

“Good,” the Black Queen cooed mockingly, beginning her departure with the bunny firmly in hand. “Oh, and I’m thinking of redesigning your office. I was unsure of a theme, but now that I know of your fondness for rabbits-”

Jack slammed his head against his desk, cutting off the rest of the Queen’s sentence. He wasn’t going to hear the rest of that. He was done with this horrendous bullshit. Being beheaded would have been better than this.

The Queen shot the archagent a warning look, but continued her way out of the room, regardless. “Behave yourself until next time, little lapin noir.”

**Author's Note:**

> ((NOTE: Lapin means "rabbit" in French. Why is the Black Queen speaking French? I don't know. afjdksjfasdw))


End file.
